Sunday, January 24, 2010
Why installing curtain rods is not a couples activity... my weekend adventure in forced Home Improvement.
There are some things that are not great ideas right out of the gate and you know it but can still make choices to avoid them. Then there are things that are not great ideas, you know it, and there is nothing you can do about it.
Case in point... procuring and installing drapes with a husband.
It's not like I set out on a beautiful Saturday morning and suddenly said to myself "Hey, let me drag Ty to Lowe's Drapery department so he can help me spend four times as much time choosing new wooden drapery rods and then come home and have him help me spend ten times longer installing them so they are crooked!" That never happened, trust me. I am a drywall anchor installation specialist extraordinaire - I am the one who owns and maintains the tool box in our home.
Today's project began yesterday with an unfortunate chain of events. As the living room drapes were tossed over the back of the chair so they wouldnt get sucked into the vacuum cleaner, the metal rods slid apart, all of the drapes slid onto the floor, and the suddenly free metal rods turned into a full blown physics project and launched as fulcrums, twisting metal upon metal past its breaking point and SNAPPING the holders.
The amazing thing is that this is the second time this has happened. Let me go buy a lotto ticket.
I planned my attack, not wanting to do this yet again on another lovely Saturday, I must come up with a better system of rods, holders, and screws.Chile, was not happy with the situation that encompassed his favorite chair.
Even though he has a terrible cold, Ty insisted upon coming with me to help. Whoa - while I might appreciate the help in carrying two POLE VAULT lengths of wooden rod throughout the store and loading them into the car, Ty would be at the bottom of my assistant list. On a bright note, before the untimely death of Michael Jackson, Ty would have been my next to last choice.
Ty nearly decapitated two Lowes employees while turning corners at the home store, and the snarky checkout woman wished me an ominous 'Good Luck'. No doubt she is divorced. Onward to the car.
After digging through tool boxes, and drawers for over an hour while I made supper, it became apparent that while Ty has over 100 screwdriver bits for his hammer drill he has NO drill bits. He actually has a cool little plastic box containing 78 varieties of screw heads each in its own little slot. Hmmm... and here I was under the impression that there were only two - Flat and Phillips. Pardon me while I laugh.
In the meantime, I roasted a whole Pompano fish I had procured at Whole Foods Market in the French style called En Papillote. Cooking in parchment paper is actually very simple but looks like a big deal. Just seal your fish or chicken in a foil or parchment packet after adding a drizzle of olive oil, lemon slices, and a sprinkle of herbs, salt, and pepper. I paired it with a bag of mixed frozen organic vegetables that tasted fresh-picked. Hey, one needs sustenance for Home Inprovement!
After dinner, Ty finally located an actual drill bit and walked into the living room revving his drill asking "WHERE DO YOU WANT THE HOLE?". Eeeekkkk. Tim the Tool Man Taylor is alive and well in my living room. About two years ago I wanted a small $20 Black and Decker hand drill and with Ty's guidance at Home Depot, ended up with a $379 Porter Cable Hammer Drill. In case you do not know what a hammer drill is - its main job is to drill holes in cement via percussion. Using a Hammer Drill to screw in a drapery rod screw would be like using a sledge hammer to crush a Ritz Cracker.
He quickly stripped out two screws with the sheer TORQUE of his powerful drill, and tried to fly it past me that even thought it's loose, it ain't going anywhere this time!
I don't think so - please step down from the ladder Chuckles.
Well, my new wooden drapery rods are up. My drapery panels are hanging. It looks like we are getting ready for a flood in here as they are about 7 inches from the floor. Since the pole is a bit too thick, the drapes won't slide properly and I will have to attempt to find two additional panels at Pier One even though I bought the first ones six months ago.
Chile is happy again and sleeping peacefully. I made Ty an Apple Cobbler to thank him for all his help - after all, he chose to spend his day putting up drapes with his wife.
posted by Susan Maria of BariatricEating.com @ 10:16 AM
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He quickly stripped out two screws with the sheer TORQUE of his powerful drill, and tried to fly it past me that even thought it's loose, it ain't going anywhere this time!